Is there such thing as
Sex after Herpes
?
YES! There are millions of
individuals who have herpes
and enjoy healthy sexual relationships by following these simple steps:
No sex during outbreaks. Many individuals feel a tingling that lets them know an outbreak is imminent. Some people also know that they are prone to occurrences at specific times, such as when they have a lot of stress or a sickness. In addition, women are prone to getting outbreaks around the time of the monthly period. You should learn the signs that show an outbreak is coming, and avoid all sex during this time. It may take some time for you to learn your body’s signals, but when in doubt, you should always abstain from sex.
Use condoms. Condoms will not only protect partners from
getting HSV
, it will also protect from other STDs. For example, people with HSV are at a much higher risk of getting HIV. If one partner has an outbreak, you should not depend on condoms; they may not cover all areas where sores are present. The virus can spread regardless if the person is having an outbreak. It is estimated, in fact, that about 70% of all transmissions of the virus occur when neither people show symptoms.
Since
herpes is contagious
, there is going to always be a slight risk that it can be spread from one person to the other. Much of the risk, however, can be minimized by the acceptance of the virus, honesty about the virus, and the correct
management of outbreaks
. You need to take control of your body to ease your mind.
Making a positive move forward
When you are ready to slowly start socializing and dating again, there are many
herpes dating websites
available to make the process easier. Many of the websites are trustworthy and completely anonymous for people
living with genital herpes
.
These
genital herpes dating sites
do not discriminate, and everyone in the community can relate to the situation that you are going through. This environment will create a safe place for you to move in the right direction toward the dating world.
Many
herpes dating sites
provide a place for support groups where they include online counselors, questions and answers sections, medical info, chat rooms, blogs, and support forums. You will also find fun stuff such as looking for dates and checking out profiles for people just like you to chat with. Here you will find everyday people who happen to be living with the herpes virus.
Make sure you choose your
herpes dating sites
carefully. Most of these sites are welcoming and warm-hearted while remaining committed to making a better place for singles living with herpes to find support. At your own pace, you can step out into the world and make life a great thing again.
What is Herpes?
Herpes is a sexually transmitted disease that is caused by a virus known as the
herpes simplex virus
; this virus comes in two forms: HSV-1 or type 1 and
HSV-2 or type 2
. The latter, or HSV-2 is the one mostly to blame for genital herpes. In many people, herpes types 1 and 2 show few symptoms and signs caused from the infection. However, when signs are present, they include blisters around or on the rectum and genitals. After the blisters rupture, they leave sores also called tender ulcers that can take up to four weeks to heal during the first outbreak. Another occurrence can appear as little as weeks or even months following the first; however, the subsequent outbreaks tend to be shorter and less severe than the very first one. Though the herpes virus will remain in the body as an infection indefinitely, suffers will notice that the number of occurrences tend to decrease as the years go on.
How common is the condition?
A recent national United States survey presented numbers that showed
genitals herpes
is rather common in America. The gathered information that claims 16.2% of the Nation’s population is living with genital herpes. In other words, almost one out of every six people aged 14 to 49 carry
type 2 genitals herpes virus
. During the last ten years this population percentage has remained pretty stable.
Studies have also shown that the
herpes type 2 virus
is much more common in women than it is in men. In fact, the numbers show that out of women and men aged 14 to 49, one of every five ladies compared to one of every nine guys are infected. This may sound strange, but passing from an man who is infected is less likely than passing from a female who is infected. In other words, it is more likely a woman will contract it from a man, than a man contracting it from a woman.
How do you get the virus?
There are trace amounts of HSV-2 and HSV-1 in sores caused by the virus. The virus is released from sores; however, it also possible to
transmit the herpes virus
from soreless skin between outbreaks. Usually, the only time people contract HSV-2 is during sexual contact with a person who has an infection of the virus. This virus can also be passed from partner to partner when the infected partner does not have visible sores; thus, it may not even be obvious that the person has the virus.
Type-1 can also cause genital herpes; however, it is more commonly linked to the virus that infects the lips and mouth with spots called “fever blisters”. Here,
transmission of HSV-1
can occur on the genitals following contact in the form of genital to genital or mouth to genital. Type-1 outbreaks are shown to recur far less regularly than the
type-2 outbreaks.
Signs and Symptoms of Genital Herpes
Many individuals that are
infected with HSV-2
do not know they are infected. Yet, they can make their presence known when they cause signs and symptoms within the first couple weeks of infection. In fact, after the virus is transmitted, a first outbreak usually shows up within two weeks, with sores having a healing time of up to a month. Other symptoms during the first episode can include a second round of sores, fever, flu-like symptoms, and even swollen glands. Many
people who have HSV-2
never actually develop sores, or they exhibit mild signs that go unnoticed or get mistaken for a skin condition or bug bite.
When people are first diagnosed with genital herpes, they can expect to have typically four to five outbreaks with the first year; although, with enough time, recurrences usually decrease in occurrence. On the other hand, some people become conscious of the “first episode” several years after transmission of the virus.
Complications Associated with Genital Herpes
In many adults, painful sores around the genitals accompany genital herpes; the infection can be especially dangerous for those with already weak immune systems. Despite the severity of symptoms, this virus commonly causes large amounts of psychological stress for those people who know they are infected.
Additionally, genital herpes can also cause potentially life-threatening infections in infants. Women should be sure to avoid contracting genital herpes during her pregnancy because new infections late in the pregnancy can increase the risk of transmission to the child. A caesarean delivery may be required if the mother is experiencing an active outbreak of herpes at the time of delivery. The good news is that transmission from a mother with herpes to her child is uncommon.
HSV can also help increase the spread of HIV, or the AIDS virus. The herpes virus is known to make people more susceptible to contracting the AIDS virus, while also making those with HIV more infectious.
How is the Virus Diagnosed?
As with any condition, symptoms and signs associated with herpes can vary among people. Usually, doctors and other health care providers can diagnose the disease by doing a visual inspection for typical outbreaks. During the inspection, he or she will also take a sample from a sore and send it to the laboratory for testing. Otherwise,
herpes is diagnosed by blood tests
between outbreaks. The blood tests are used to locate antibodies for HSV-2 or HSV-1, although, the results are not always precise.
What is the Treatment for Herpes?
Currently, there is not treatment effective for
curing herpes
, but there are antiviral medicines available to prevent and shorten outbreaks during the duration of the medicine. Additionally, there are process called daily suppressive therapy used for symptomatic herpes that are shown to reduce the chances of transmission to uninfected partners.
How do you Prevent Herpes?
The easiest way to avoid contracting any sexually transmitted disease is to stay away from sexual contact altogether, or enter a long relationship with someone who is also committed and uninfected. Other
genital ulcer disorders
can happen in both female and male genital regions that have been protected by a latex condom; in addition to those areas not covered. Overall, consistent and correct condom use can reduce the chances of spreading genital herpes. It is important for people diagnosed with herpes to abstain from having sexual contact with uninfected people when sores or symptoms of the virus are present. However, it is important to note that a person who does not exhibit symptoms can still infect other people. Partners of infected people should know that they could become infected, but using condoms can greatly reduce their risk. Following contact with an infected person, partners can be tested to see if they are
infected with herpes
. A blood test that comes back HSV-2 positive almost certainly detects a herpes infection.
Living with the Condition
Herpes is mainly spread from people who already know they are infected, but are too embarrassed to admit it and still engage in sexual contact with uninfected people. It is of high importance that potential sex partners are truthful to each other about herpes infections, even during casual sexual encounters. It’s definitely not fair to others to avid mentioning a herpes infection; because they will unknowingly go on to infect a whole new crowd of people.
Adults should always remain open about sex, and
open about genital herpes
; even though the topic can be difficult both socially and culturally for many individuals. In turn, coping with all the emotions associated with knowing they have herpes is harder than dealing with the virus itself.
Feelings Associated with Herpes
Many individuals find that the toughest emotional time is directly following the news that they are infected. Despondently, a shame is associated with herpes through much of American society. Justifiably, soon after being diagnosed, many people feel embarrassed and far too scared to tell anyone. Other people find themselves with intense feelings of guilt and blame themselves with the old “I brought it on myself” thought. Furthermore, some people will even feel as if God punished them for their sexual history. While the rest of the bunch will find themselves deep in depression while suffering from low self-worth; while non-stop thinking if anyone will want to date or have a
sexual relationship
with them again.
Many times, the feelings associated create great deals of stress as they come across as such strong emotions. A good question is why does contracting a virus raise such chaos? There are many myths associated with herpes, and it helps to know the difference between which are true and which are false.
Myth #1: Herpes is Very Contagious
FALSE – The virus is transmitted by direct skin contact of an infected area. The virus cannot be contracted from normal, casual contact such as toilet seats. It also cannot be caught like a common cold.
Myth #2: Herpes is a Rare Condition
FALSE – Nearly 80% of all humans contract oral herpes (or cold sores) before they turn ten years old. About 25% of all Americans are infected with genital herpes. In other words, about one in every four people have it; with the total number of suffers in America alone exceeding 50 million individuals.
Myth #3: Herpes is caused by Promiscuous Sexual Behavior
FALSE – However, being promiscuous can increase the risk of acquiring STDs, you can just as simply contract herpes from a partner who is long term or monogamous with you, as you can as the result of a one night stand.
Myth #4: Herpes is too Contagious so Having a Baby is dangerous
FALSE – For those women, who have the virus before becoming pregnant can have very low transmittal rates of passing it to their babies. In fact, it is so rare that less than 0.1% of United States-born babies are born with neonatal herpes. Fetuses only become high risk if the mother contracts the disease during her pregnancy and develops a late term outbreak. In any case, whether she has it before or develops it during, it is highly important to be completely honest with your health care provider so all precautions can be taken. These precautions can even include anti-viral medicines or delivery via Caesarean.
Generally, within a few weeks or months, the feelings of anger, guilt, sadness, and shame will subside and the embarrassment will become more easily manageable.
Fact #1 -Herpes is Incurable and therefore FOREVER
TRUTH: This is the hardest and most sobering fact to face. Doctors currently have no cure for the herpes virus, so it remains in nerve cells next to the spine located at the base of the pelvis for the remainder of the person’s life. Many people become extremely stressed and upset when they learn the illness will never go away and can recur at any time.
Fact #2 -Your Sex Life will have to be Altered
TRUTH: Abstaining from sexual activity is recommended when outbreaks are present. Also, the virus can still be contagious even when blisters are not present. Therefore, the only way to avoid spreading the virus is take precautions. Such precautions are through the use of condoms, protective gloves, anti-viral medicines, and dental dams when needed.
Fact #3 – There is NO 100% Guarantee you won’t pass herpes on
TRUTH: The only sure way to
avoid passing herpes
to other people is to abstain from skin to skin contact with an infected person. People with the virus can have feelings of fear, worry, and guilt when they find out they have contracted the virus. Within a relationship, the risk of transmission is only around 4% a year, and the risk is very much reduced with taking an antiviral medicine is combined with proper use of condoms.
Fact #4 –
Outbreaks of Herpes
are Painful
TRUTH: Individual pain tolerance will differ from person to person, but many outbreaks cause pain. The outbreaks can include blisters that cause shooting pains or itching in the genital region; in addition, they can also cause pain or burning during urination and tender lumps under the groin. The very first outbreak can cause aches, pains, fever, and other flu-like symptoms.
Fact #5 –
Herpes Blisters
come back Over and Over
TRUTH: Some people can live with herpes and only develop one outbreak their entire life, but this only happens very rarely. Generally, herpes infections are marked by recurrences that usually consist of at least four or five within the first year. The severity and number of out outbreaks tend to decrease over time though.
Coming to terms with any illness’ hard facts can be difficult when friends and family members keep saying you should be thankful you don’t have something terminal such as AIDS. Even though
genital herpes is not fatal
, saying something such as that will not help during the stressful time. HSV is a chronic illness that can cause pain, emotional distress, and a negative social shame. It is not surprising that this is a very tough illness to accept in your life.
In a life where such as change comes in a dramatic way, it is typical to go through a stage of loss much the same as losing a loved one or ending a marriage. A person’s life is never the same, but that should not be reason to suppose life is not worth continuing.
Stage #1 – Denial
Most people go through an initial stage of denial where they ignore the symptoms or just plain deny the fact they could have the virus. Some people can remain in a denial stage even after a positive diagnosis has been made. Furthermore, some will think silently “It’s only an allergy or a rash” or even “I’m not going to let this ruin MY sex life!”
Stage #2 – Feelings of Anger
Stage 2 usually represents sufferers feeling full of rage and angry while experiencing hateful feeling towards the one who passed it on to you. They may also be mad at themselves, God, or any other supreme being as they are wandering why they are being punished in this way, saying “What have I done to deserve this?”
Stage #3 – Bargaining
This is another stage of denial of sorts where the sufferer tries to pray to their supreme being, such as God, and swear to never drink alcohol or have sex again while promising to attend Church religiously each week, and so on.
Stage #4 – Depression
During stage 4, feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and sadness begin to pass over the person. These feelings are also associated with low self-esteem and negative changes in the pattern of lifestyle. For example, work and social behaviors change, sleeping and eating become more difficult, while work become erratic. This always proves to be a low spot in the person’s life that doesn’t even seem worthwhile to continue. If this stage progresses for too long, it is advisable to seek therapy from a therapist of doctor.
Stage #5 – Acceptance of the Virus
This stage brings on feelings of peace and calmness that seem more regular. Also, the person can develop basic happy feelings that make them hopeful for the future while picking up normal sleep and eating patterns. The person will also notice improvements in work and social habits with a newfound respect for exercise. Of course the road to recovery will have ups and downs, but in the end, with enough optimism the mood will change and life will resume as normal as possible.
Each person will grieve personal losses to herpes differently, with most people going through all five stages. However, it may not necessarily be in that order, many people will jump repeatedly back and forth among them. It is also interesting to note that there will be no “normal” periods of time for the range of emotions. For example, some people may accept the disease within months, while others can take years to reach that stage.
All feelings that are associated with these stages are normal in terms of reaction and they should all pass or diminish with time. Anyone experiencing these emotions is encouraged to talk with a friend, counselor, or herpes support group for guidance.
What not to do with Herpes
IGNORE THE SYMPTOMS
If you have unexplained pain or blisters around your genitals, you should see a doctor immediately. A blood test and accompanying viral culture will be required to diagnose the herpes if it exists. If you ignore the symptoms, they will not go away and can even be spread to a sexual partner unnecessarily.
DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF
It is not advisable to criticize, blame, or judge yourself negatively by thinking that you deserve what you got as a punishment for having sex. These are not good thoughts, and will not help you with managing your stress, which is very important in helping the virus remain inactive. You should not talk to family or friends who will react to you with a judgmental or blaming attitude because it will only make you feel worse. You do not need this negativity at a time like this.
DO NOT HIDE THE VIRUS FROM PEOPLE YOU ARE SEEING
There is no rule that says you have to tell everyone in the earliest stages of dating; however, you owe it to the person before you get into a sexual relationship. It is recommended that you are truthful with the person and make sure you have the conversation while you are both fully clothed and have had no skin to skin contact.
DO NOT WALL IN PITY
It is absolutely normal to have some “poor me” thoughts occasionally. You should not however sit and dwell on them too much. If you remain in a negative state of mind all the time, you can create feelings of isolation, depression, and low self-esteem for yourself.
What to do when you have Herpes
TALK TO A THERAPIST
Talking to a counselor or therapist is the best way to discuss your feelings in confidentiality while obtaining good feedback on how to cope. Another effective method for expressing your feelings in a safe environment is in group therapy. Here your feelings will be affirmed and negative beliefs can be
challenged by group members.
TALK TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHO ARE SUPPORTIVE
At this point of your life, you need a good support system. Friends and family members who are capable of listening and providing validation, hope, and love are useful also.
DO TRY SOCIAL OUTINGS or SUPPORT GROUPS
Through social outings and support groups, you will meet many new people who will relate to what you are going through. You may make new friends or even find a new person who also has herpes to date. If nothing at all, at least you got out of the house and had a chance to be social. You also have the choice of using some great dating websites that are designed for people
living with herpes
. These serve as dignified places to make friends, get to know people, and find support. If you want to make friends great and if you want to date that is fine too!
DO EDUCATE YOURSELF ON HERPES
Knowledge is everything. You will want to learn all the facts about herpes so you can minimize the risks of giving it to your partner. I highly recommend that you read all of our papers found on this site to provide you with enough information to control the situation.
DO REMAIN IN GOOD PHYSICAL HEALTH
You should try to maintain a well balanced diet and get enough sleep and exercise. Try to avoid recreational drug use, abuse of prescription drugs, smoking cigarettes, and drinking in excess.
DO FIND WAYS TO EFFECTIVELY MANAGE STRESS
Although stress is a factor in everyone’s life, there are several ways used to limit the impact of it by managing how you respond to it. Deep breathing may be one stress management tip that works along with support groups or other counseling. Other techniques include yoga, biofeedback, relaxation techniques, spiritual work, or journaling. There is no approach that works for everyone, so you are encouraged to explore the many CDs, workshops, DVDs, and book that can be found on the topic.
You may also find some steps used to eliminate specific stressors. Many times, accepting that it is okay to say no to commitments can reduce stress in your life. In addition, action should be taken to solve a bothersome problem in such places as a relationship or the workplace.
There’s no doubt that having herpes is a hassle of a bad kind and dealing with it can become upsetting and horrendous at times. However, if you take good care of your body and seek support to communicate your feelings, you can reach acceptance for the virus. Soon enough, you will be too busy living your life while your initial worries seem a million miles away.


